It’s been brought to my attention recently that many men, even at the age of 25 or older (my age!) still aren’t very confident about how they approach flirting. It’s also usually the nicest ones who seem to be very nervous and unsure about what they need to do, or should do.
I think this is for several reasons:
- Not realising that people aren’t really judging you
- Not realising that people only care about how you make them feel
- Not feeling very comfortable with who you are
- Thinking that other people know something you don’t
- Believing it’s all about looks, or “sex appeal”
- Believing we are defined by the opinions of others
- Trying too hard.
I think these insecurities affect us because of lots of reasons that are too complex to go into right now. The point is, once we recognise these false beliefs, we can choose to put them aside – and start having fun!
So, with that in mind, I’ve come up with eight practical tips for how to have fun when you’re flirting, which will help your personality shine:
- Work on yourself by developing your skills and interests so you build self-esteem and are an interesting person to talk to.
- Make people feel good. Remind yourself that people just want to have fun and feel relaxed, so focus on how you can make them feel like this when they are around you.
- Have a bit of banter with people – but don’t cross the line and drive them away!
- Forget the gender differences. Remember, there is no distinction between men and women: we are the same underneath it all.
- Focus on having fun, not “succeeding”. When you do this, your natural positivity and energy will draw people to you.
- Know when to quit. Some people just won’t be interested, and that’s ok. Maybe they’re having a bad day or they already like someone else, so don’t assume it’s because you’re rubbish.
- Enjoy the experience of spending time with people. Don’t worry about where an interaction might lead or whether someone could make a good girlfriend (or boyfriend?!). You’ll be much more fun this way.
- Be excited about what you might find out. Part of the fun of interacting with others is discovering things you didn’t know before.
Remember, if you’re having fun, other people will be having fun, too. It’s as simple as that.
Catherine Julianne is a writer and digital communications professional obsessed with the field of personality systems theory. She also likes drawing, meditating and being in nature.