Dating tips: tried and tested

unsplash-bonus Why can being single be so excruciating at times? If being single has any benefits, one is being able to pass on advice to other singletons on a few ways to avoid disaster. Read on!

  1. Do turn up – the quintessential ingredient of every date – that there are two people on it, not one. A friend of a friend was recently stood up on a Tinder date (yes, it happened to my “friend”, not me…) and I wonder – how hard is it to message someone to say that you’re not going to make it, instead of romantically scarring them for life (or at least a good few weeks where I – I mean they – get a bit teary over a £5 bottle of rosé)?
  2. Don’t turn up late – being late is also linked to number 1, although is, I suppose, marginally better, as you do in fact make an appearance – and with a little heartfelt grovelling, you can take it from there. This one did happen to me, and I was once hovering around Covent Garden like a friendless creep, wondering how long I could feasibly wait until carefully-affected graciousness turned in to outright desperation.
  3. Do ensure your  bankcard is working – having to foot the whole bill for the date in number 2 was not the highlight of the evening for me. (Neither was counting out three pound coins for him to top up his Oyster card at the end of the night to get home, either.)
  4. Don’t drink so much that you throw up on a date – at one time, I was inexperienced enough not to know how to bow out of a date gracefully, and decided it would be much better to drink my way out of it instead. Ending up in an almost catatonic state, I then proceeded to enthusiastically agree to the suggestion that we go back to his house and continue drinking with his housemates. After a quick trip to the off licence, I found myself greeting his housemates like dear old friends, pouring myself a bucket-sized vodka, and then at some point stumbling into another room – where I promptly threw up. In a timely fashion, one of the housemates appeared in the room behind me (was it his room?) and gave me a lifeline, asking “Did the cat do that?” Unfortunately, I was too inebriated to seize this opportunity for redemption, and simply slurred unashamedly, “Nope.”
  5. And lastly, do stay awake – fortunately, this has never happened to me (although perhaps I am not that fortunate, when you take the above into account) but a girl once told me of a guy, who, after their date, dozed off on their bus journey home together. She still endeavoured to invite him back to hers once he had woken up – an offer which he accepted – however, once home, he simply climbed into bed and peacefully went to sleep again.

So, there you have it! All my years of dating experience wrapped up in 5 succinct points. If you follow these rules, there should be nothing to stop the glorious ringing of those future wedding bells. [Catherine: I still want us to be spinster sisters living together until we die.] If you feel dating-ready now, why not peruse these tips on how to be a great flirt? Alternatively, stay holed up in your room like a hermit and find out how to become a novelist Jess By Jessica Marie Jessica is an aspiring novelist living in London. She’s excited by new experiences, ideas and music.  Image: Unsplash

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